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Tasarım ve Uygulama:

Yaşanmış örnekler’ kategorisi arşivi

Bugünlerde…

Yan komşumla banyolarımızın küçük camı birbirine bakıyor. Yani birbirimizi malesef banyoda her şekil duyabiliyoruz. Bu zaten yeterince rahatsız edici bir durumken, bir çocuğun büyük tuvaletini çamaşırına yaptığında tehdit edildiğine ve hatta dayak yediğine şahit olmak, annesinin ve evdeki yardımcı ablanın çocukla küfürlü konuşmalarını duymak, aynı çocuğun gece 1′den önce yatmadığını duymak korkunç. Uykularım kaçıyor gecelerdir, her karşılaşmamızda dilimin ucuna geliyor kelimeler yutkunuyorum. Bazen kapılarını yumruklamak geliyor içimden ya da banyodan o anda yeter artık diye söylenmek. Dışardan baktığınızda herşey o kadar sevimli ve sempatik ki evin içinde olanlar inanılır gibi değil. Bir kez daha şahit oluyorum nasıl da maskelerle yaşadığımıza, içimizdeki öfkeyi nasıl da kontrolsüz, savunmasız bir çocuğa salıverdiğimize, utanıyorum ben insan olduğuma her gece bunları duyarken. O çocuk her kapıyı anahtarla açtığımda bana kapıyı aralayıp bakarken gözgöze gelemiyorum ya onunla, öylesine utanıyorum anlatamam. O çocuk ilerde bunlara nasıl bir savunma kalkanı geliştirir napar hep onu düşünüyorum. Küçücük bedeninde, ruhunda açılan yaraları nasıl sarar onu düşünüyorum. Gece basınca uykum kaçıyor bu yüzden bugünlerde…

Permakültür kişiden başlar

İnsanları, hayvanları ve doğal hayatı eşzamanlı destekleyen, sağlıklı ve bereketli yasam alanları yaratan, çözümler üreten bir tasarım sistemi olan Permakültür’den geçtiğimiz aylarda bahsetmiştim. Bu ay sizi permakültürü bir yaşam felsefesi olarak benimsemiş ve hem yurtiçi hem de yutdışında çeşitli permakültür projelerinde danışmanlık yapan Mustafa Bakır ile tanıştırıyorum. Bakır bizlere, kendi öyküsünü, permakültürle ilgili Türkiye’de yapılan çalışmaları ve eğitimleri anlattı. Yaşamını artık Marmariç’te sürdüren Bakır, Avustralya Permakültür Araştırma Enstitüsü işbirliğiyle Türkiye Permakültür Araştırma Enstitüsü’nün Marmariç’te kurulması konusunda da çalışmakta. 

Bu söyleşiden kısa olarak İnfomag Nisan sayısında köşemde bahsetmiştim.  Bu hali ilk defa alternatifkarma’ya özel. Mustafa Bakır’ın permakültür gibi bir konuyu yaşamına tamamen entegre edip, bu yola gönlünü koyarak destek verdiği projelerin her birimize örnek olmasını diliyorum. Keyifli okumalar!


*Permakültür ile ne zaman tanıştınız ve tam olarak hayatınıza sokma kararını nasıl aldınız? Bu noktada sizi en çok etkileyen ne oldu?

Permakültür’le 1994 yılında bir duyuru panosunda “Permakültür” başlıklı bir yazıyı okuduğumda tanıştım. Tam ne yazdığını hatırlamıyorum ama bir hayli etkilenmiştim. O sıralar mimarlık eğitimim sürmekteydi. İnternet daha yeni yeni yaygınlaşıyordu ve ilk fırsatta permakültürle ilgili taramalar yapıp daha fazla öğrenmeye çalıştığımı da hatırlıyorum. İlk permakültür kitabımı (Permaculture: A Designers’ Manual) 1998 yılında aldım. O yıllara dönüp baktığımda, permakültürün bünyeye yavaş yavaş, damla damla işlemiş olduğunu görüyorum. Mesleki ve eğitim hayatımı derinden etkileyen ve dönüştüren bir etki oldu bu elbette. Mimarlık bölümünden mezun olduğumda peyzaj mimarlığı üzerine yüksek lisans yapmaya karar vermemi permakültüre borçluyum örnek vermek gerekirse.

Bir eşik yada dönüm noktası tanımlamak gerekirse, bu, hocalarım Bill Mollison ve Geoff Lawton’la tanıştığım, 2007 baharında Tazmanya’da, Bill Mollison’ın çiftliğinde katıldığım PPC – Permaculture Practical Certificate – Permakültür Uygulama Sertifikası kursudur. Bu kursta ve ondan sonra her görüştüğümde olabildiğince sade bir dille, şüpheye yer bırakmayan açık istatistiklerle akıl ve vicdan sahibi olduğu iddiasında olan türümüzün tam da bu konularda feci şekilde sınıfta kaldığını vurguladılar. Daha da önemlisi, bunu farkettikten sonra bu noktaya takılıp kalmak, kendini çaresiz ve zayıf hissetmek yada insanlara, tüm canlılara ve dünyaya zarar verdiğini gördüğümüz insanları, oluşumları ve kurumları sadece protesto ederek ve “tüketici” olduğumuz için kaçınılmaz bir şekilde onlara bağımlılığımızı ve dolayısıyla desteğimizi sürdürerek zaman ve enerji harcamaktansa, desteklemek isteyeceğimiz, ahlaklı, yani gerçekten akıl ve vicdan sahibi ve sürdürülebilir oluşumlara ve girişimlere katılmak yada bunların olmadığı yerlerde akıl ve vicdan sahibi diğer insanlarla dayanışıp yerel kültüre ve koşullara uygun benzerlerini kurarak veya başlatarak ve bunlar arasında alışverişi sağlayarak adım adım bu “zararlılar”dan desteğimizi çekmek kadar sade ve etkin bir yol göstermeleridir.

Başka bir deyişle de yaptıkları, şu anın “durum resmi”ni kendinizi daha fazla kandıramayacağınız şekilde çizip önünüze koyarak bu resmin neresinde yer almak istediğiniz sorusuyla sizi baş başa bırakmak – ki bu kısım permakültür eğitimlerinin süre olarak %10′unu geçmiyor – ve “tüketici” değil de “üretici” olmayı seçmeniz durumunda görünür ve görünmez, sürdürülebilir, enerji verimli yapıların nasıl tasarlanıp, kurulup, yönetilebileceğine ve işletilebileceğine bir giriş yapmak – bu kısım da permakültür eğitimlerinin büyük bir bölümünü, süre olarak %90′ından fazlasını oluşturuyor. Permakültürün yeni birşey söylemediğini, halihazırda tüm insanlığın bolluk, barış ve dayanışma içerisinde yaşamasına yetecek bilgi ve birikime sahip olduğumuzu hatırlatıyorlar ve bu bilgi ve birikimin bütünsel, ekosistemik bir tasarım bilimi çatısı altında nasıl birleştirilip etkileşimli bir çeşitlilik oluşturulabileceğini açıklıyorlar. Permakültürü çok önemli ve paha biçilmez derecede değerli kılan asıl nokta bu. En etkileyici tarafı da bu. 

O noktadan itibaren herşey beklemediğim kadar hızlandı. 2008 başında Melbourne üniversitesinde yine Bill dede ve Geoff hocanın birlikte verdikleri PDC (Permaculture Design Certificate – Permakültür Tasarım Sertifikası) kursuna katıldım. 2009 başında da bilgi ve deneyim olarak daha da derinleşebilmek için Avustralya Permakültür Araştırma Enstitüsü’nde, Geoff hocanın yanında staj yapmak üzere bir kere daha Avustralya’ya gittim. Stajım sırasında Geoff hocayla birçok permakültür projesi üzerinde çalışma fırsatım ve verdiği PAWT (Permaculture Aid Worker Training – Permakültür Projesi Çalışanı Eğitimi) ve PDCTT (PDC Teacher Training – PDC eğitmen eğitimi) kurslarına da katılma şansım oldu.
 
*Permakültürün hayatınıza tamamen girmesiyle birlikte yaşamınızda neler değişti?

Tahmin edebileceğimden çok daha meşgul bir insan oldum… Artık Marmariç’te yaşıyor ve tamamen permakültür üzerine çalışıyorum. Avustralya Permakültür Araştırma Enstitüsü işbirliğiyle Türkiye Permakültür Araştırma Enstitüsü’nü de Marmariç’te kurmaktayız. Web sitemiz yayına girdi. Açılışımız ve ilk kursumuz Mayıs sonunda olacak. Okuyucularınız ayrıntıları sitemizden takip edebilirler.

Profesyonal olarak yurtiçinde 3, yurtdışında bir projeye permakültür danışmanlığı yapmaktayım.

Avustralya’ya son ziyaretimde Bill dedeyle “Permaculture: A Designers’ Manual”ın dilimize çevirisi ve yayını için bir sözleşme imzalamıştık. Bu proje üzerinde de çalışmalarımız yoğun bir şekilde sürüyor. 2011 yılı başında yayınlamayı umuyoruz.    
 
*Marmaric projesini genel hatlarıyla anlatır mısınız? Şu an projenin mevcut durumu nedir? hedefler neler?

Marmariç, kent kökenli bir grup arkadaş olarak 2003 yılında başladığımız kırsalda ekolojik bir yerleşim kurma girişimidir. Bu süreçte İzmir’in Bayındır ilçesine bağlı bir köyün terk edilmiş mahallesindeki kullanılmayan ilkokul binası ve öğretmen lojmanını kiraladık, zeytinlikler ve meyve bahçeleri işlemeye başladık, ancak geçtiğimiz yıla dek, aramızdan bir kişi hariç, tam zamanlı yerleşmemiz mümkün olmadı. Ben ve bir arkadaşımın daha permakültür konusunda eğitimler almaya başlamamızla, Marmariç projesinde de kapsamlı ve hızlı değişiklikler yaşandı. Marmariç’teki hedeflerimizi, faaliyetlerimizi ve imkanlarımızı dikkate aldığımızda, buranın bir permakültür eğitim, araştırma ve uygulama merkezine .dönüşmesinin ne kadar isabetli olacağını fark ettik. Hatta bu amaçla bir uygulama ve model geliştirme projesi tasarlayarak UNDP Küresel Çevre Fonu, Küçük Destek Programına sunduk ve  projemiz kabul edildi. Geçtiğimiz kasım ayından itibaren bu permakültür odaklı projenin uygulamasını sürdürmekteyiz. Hem genel olarak Marmariç hem de söz konusu proje hakkında kapsamlı bilgiye sitemizden ulaşılabilir.
 

*Permakültüre ilgisi olan ama daha yakından, profesyonelce ilgilenmek isteyenlere tavsiyeleriniz neler?

Profesyonelce ilgilenmek istesin istemesin, permakültür kavramıyla karşılaşmış ve içeriğini öğrenmek isteyenler için söyleyebileceğimiz iki şey var: Konuyla ilgili bir kursa katılmaları ve bulundukları yerde hemen uygulamaya başlamaları. Permakültür tasarımını uygulamak için kentten kırsala göç etmek veya toprak sahibi olmak bir zorunluluk değildir. Zira permakültür bir tasarım bilimidir, etik temelli bir sistem tasarımı yaklaşımıdır, dolayısıyla sadece tarımla, mimarlıkla, yenilenebilir enerjiyle, hayvancılıkla, ormancılıkla, dernekler ve vakıflarla, alternatif ekonomilerle ya da su ürünleriyle ilgili değildir. Asıl insanla ve insanın insanlarla, tüm canlılarla ve çevresiyle olan ilişkileriyle ve dolayısıyla da bunların hepsiyle ve daha fazlasıyla ilgilidir. İnsanın yaşadığı her yerde, ihtiyaçlarını karşılarken diğer insanlara, canlılara ve çevresine zarar değil yarar sağlayacak şekilde hayatını tasarlaması için yol gösterici bir çerçevedir. Buradan permakültürün dünyamızın temel sorunlarını çözme iddiasıyla hazırlanmış bir “büyük reçete” olduğu sonucu çıkarılmamalıdır. Permakültür kişiden başlar. Komşuların, mahalle sakinlerinin veya dünyanın herhangi bir yerinde bu ilkeleri paylaşan toplulukların dayanışması ve serbest ilişkileriyle yayılır ve çoğalır. Bir “üst tasarım” ya da “toplum mühendisliği” değil kendiliğinden gelişen ve dönüşen, zihni, ilişkileri (örüntüleri) okumak, doğru soruları sormak, gözlem yapmak, sonuç çıkarmak ve bunları mevcut sorunların aşılması için tasarım yapabilmek üzere eğiten bir kültürdür. Daimi kültürdür.

Özellikle profesyonel olarak ilgileneceklerin İlk fırsatta bir PDC kursuna katılmalarını tavsiye ederim. Bunun bir “dönüm noktası” ya da “eşik deneyim” olduğunu vurgulamalıyım, ayrıca PDC, yani Permakültür Tasarım Sertifikası, profesyonel olarak permakültür tasarımı veya danışmanlığı yapmak ve PDC kursu verebilmek için önkoşuldur.

PDC kursu toplam 72 saatlik bir eğitimden oluşur, iki hafta sürer. Günde altı saatlik yoğun bir kurstur ve eğer eğitmen işini iyi yapıyorsa ve siz de biraz olsun alışık olduğunuz düşünme kalıplarını gevşetebilirseniz kurs bittiğinde çok iyi tanıdığınızı düşündüğünüz dünyayı ve hayatı  bambaşka gözlerle görüp değerlendireceğiniz garantidir.

PDC kursunu takiben bir permakültür enstitüsünde stajı da şiddetle tavsiye ederim.

Biz ilk PDC kursumuzu, Türkçe PDC kursunu 2011 yılının başında bir zamanda vereceğiz. PDC kursu müfredatını da oluşturan “Permakültür: Bir Tasarım Kılavuzu”nun türkçe yayınlanmasını takiben olması açısından da bu önemli. Ders kitabını kurs ücretine dahil olarak bütün katılımcılara verebilmeyi umuyoruz. O tarihten önce Geoff hocanın bir PDC kursu vermek için gelme ihtimali de var. Yazışıyoruz. Gelişmeleri sitemizden takip edebilirsiniz.

Bu yaz sezonu boyunca TPAE (Türkiye Permakültür Araştırma Enstitüsü) olarak Marmariç’te ayda bir, toplam beş “Permakültüre Giriş” kursu vereceğiz. Bu günde 6 saatten toplam 12 saatlik bir haftasonu kursudur. Stajyer kabulümüz de mayısta başlayacak ve şimdilik önkoşulumuz bizden veya başka herhangi bir eğitmen ya da enstitüden en azından permakültüre giriş niteliğinde bir kurs almış olmak. PDC kursu vermeye başladığımızda da önkoşul PDC – Permakültür Tasarım Sertifikası olacak.

Permakültüre Giriş ve PDC kurslarına katılım için ise herhangi bir önkoşul yoktur. Bütün mesleki geçmişlere ve eğitim düzeylerine hitap eder. Dünyanın ağır koşulların hakim olduğu birçok bölgesinde PDC kursları okuma yazması dahi olmayan katılımcılara verilmektedir.

*Türkiye’de permakültür konusunda bilinç anlamında ne durumdayız? Bu konuda insanları bilgilendirmek, bilinçlendirmek adına yaptığınız çalışmalar var mı?

Son bir yıl içinde ilgi fark edilir bir şekilde arttı. Bu durumu büyük ölçüde arkadaşımız Filiz Telek’in ve Sürdürülebilir Yaşam Kollektifi’nin çabalarına borçluyuz. Sürdürülebilir Yaşam Film Festivalleri önemli bir katkı sağladı. Türkiye permakültür camiası yine Filiz’in başlattığı permakültür-türkiye yahoogrubu ve Facebook’taki Türkiye Permakültür Ağı üzerinden iletişiyor, paylaşıyor. 2009 yılında gerçekleştirilen çalıştaylar ve kurslar da permakültürün duyulmasında ve insanların konuyla ilgili deneyim kazanmalarında bir hayli etkili oldu.

İnsanları permakültürle ilgili bilgilendirmek için elimizden geleni ardımıza koymuyoruz. TPAE’nü kurmaktaki amacımız da bu. Şu anda Bill Mollison’ın iki kitabı dilimizde yayına hazırlanıyor. Biri bizim çevirisini halen yürüttüğümüz “Permakültür: Bir Tasarım Kılavuzu” diğeri de Sinek Sekiz’nin yayınlamak üzere olduğu “Permakültüre Giriş”. Sinek Sekiz’deki arkadaşlarla dayanışma içerisinde çalışıyoruz ve kitap çıktığında, yine kurs ücretine dahil olmak üzere Permakültüre Giriş kurslarımızda katılımcılarımıza birer adet dağıtmayı umuyoruz.

2010 yılı için kurs ve çalıştay programı geçen yıla göre daha da zenginleşmiş durumda. Arkadaşımız Deniz Dinçel’in çabalarıyla 12 haziranda, dünyanın önde gelen permakültür tasarımcılarından ve eğitmenlerinden olan Max Lindegger bir haftalık bir permakültür kursu vermek üzere Türkiye’ye geliyor. Kurs bizim de desteğimizle Marmariç ekibinden Mete Hacaloğlun’un CanSu organik süt sığırcılı çiftliğinde ve uygulamalı bölümleri de TPAE’de yapılacak. Fransa Halk Permakültür Üniversitesi’nin kurucularından Steve Read bu sezon da, biri Yunus Emre Permakültür ve Yoga Çiftliğinde, diğeri de Dumalıdağ Dutlar Ekoköyünde olmak üzere iki PDC kursu verecek. Ağustosta da Türkiye’nin ilk permakültürcülerinden Emet Değirmenci’nin vereceği oldukça zengin içerikli bir kurs da var. Her geçen gün ilgilenenler de sunulan seçenekler de çoğalıyor. Bu da olması gereken birşey çünkü permakültür insanlar tarafından benimsendiği, aktarıldığı ve insanlar arasında dayanışmaya vesile olduğu ölçüde fayda sağlayabilir.

İLGİLİ LİNKLER

Türkiye Permakültür Araştırma Enstitüsü: http://permacultureturkey.org

Marmariç: http://marmaric.org

Tagari Yayınları ve Permakültür Enstitüsü (Bill Mollison’ın sitesi): http://www.tagari.com

Avustralya Permakültür Araştırma Enstitüsü: http://permaculture.org.au

ABD Permakültür Araştırma Enstitüsü: http://www.permacultureusa.org

Ürdün Permakültür Araştırma Enstitüsü: http://www.permaculturejordan.org

Sinek Sekiz Yayınevi: http://sineksekiz.wordpress.com

Max Lindegger kursu için Facebook’da arama yapınız.

Filiz Telek: http://kolektifbilinc.wordpress.com
http://surdurulebiliryasam.wordpress.com
http://barakam.blogspot.com

Emet Değirmenci: http://kendineyeterlitoplum.wordpress.com

Dumanlıdağ Dutlar Ekoköyü: http://www.dutlarekokoyu.com

*** Fotoğraflar marmaric.org sitesinden.

Bugün

Bugün bir röportajım vardı. Sonrasında kısa bir yürüyüş yaptım, baktım Doğa’yı almak için saat daha erken Starbucks’a girip birşeyler içiyim dedim. Dışarda oturdum önce güneş var diye. Aklıma birşeyler geldi, dergi için yazımı karaladım küçük defterime. Fakat bir yandan da çapraz masamda oturan iki genç kızın sohbetine istemeden kulak misafiri oldum. Üşüye üşüye oturdum öylece dinledim onları.

İkisinin de üzerinde incecik hırka var sadece. İkisi de sigara üstüne sigara içiyor. Birinin yüzü çok düşük ama belli ki kırgın, bunalımda yani. Sonra konuşmalardan anlıyorum ki “çıktığı çocuk” terk etmiş. Diğeri aynen şöyle diyor nasihat olarak; “Senin bu ara evden dışarı atman gerek kendini biraz. Araba kullan mesela biraz. Bak geçenlerde ben kardeşime kızdım, arabaya bindim açtım müziği sonuna kadar. Acayip iyi geldi.” Diğeri halen boynu bükük oturmakta. Birara şubat tatili planları yapmaya başladılar. Nasihat verenin anneleri tatile gidiyormuş da ne yapsaymış da, planlamak gerekirmiş de… daha neler neler…

Sohbetlerini duymadan önce üzerlerindeki incecik hırkalarla üşüdükleri ve içtikleri sigaralar için üzüldüm. Sohbetlerini duyduktan sonra ise ufak bir tebessüm kondu yüzüme. Kendi hallerim geldi gözümün önüne, annemin saçını başını yolacak derece benimle mücadele ettiği o yıllar. İncecik hırkalarla dışarı çıkışlarım, simsiyah kıyafetlerim, gizlice odamda Mina ile sigara içip evdeki pembe peçetelere sarıp sönmüş sigara izmaritlerini camdan aşağı attığımız ve sonra kapıcının anneme “sizin camdan pembe peçetelere sarılı sigara izmaritleri atılıyor” demesi, kış günü sırf anneme inat olsun diye okula giderken giydiğim soket çoraplar…daha neler neler…

Hele birşey aklıma geldi ki bütün gün güldüm; Annem ilkokul öğretmeni olduğundan erken saatte derste olabilmek için Onur ve benim kahvaltımızı erkende hazırlar çıkardı evden. Biz de servisimiz gelene kadar kahvaltı eder inerdik aşağı servis beklemeye. Fakat kahvaltıda her sabah bir katı yumurta ve bir koca kupa süt olurdu. Babam çok disiplinliydi yemek konusunda, özellikle süt ve yumurta mutlaka yenecekti. Fakat sabah sabah o yumurta ve süt nasıl da fena gelirdi bize. Ben birara baktım olacak gibi değil içemiyorum sütü midem kalkıyor. Başladım sütleri çeşmeye dökmeye her sabah. Fakat bir yandan Onur’dan da gizliyorum, örnek almasın beni diye:) Sonra tabii o da gördü aynısını yapmaya başladı. Ve bir süre sonra yumurtaları da buzdolabının arkasına gizlemeye başladık. Bu böyle 1 hafta kadar devam etti sanırım. Sonunda bizim temizliğe gelen kadın kokuyu alıp buzdolabını çekerek malum görüntüye ulaştı. Eee tahmin edersiniz ki oldukça fazla azar işitmiştik bu yüzden. Ama halen ne zaman katı yumurta görsem ya da pişirsem bu gelir aklıma:)

Bütün gün bunları düşünüp durdum akşam annemleri aradım. “Nabersiniz” dedim. “Eee iyiyiz 35. yılımızı kutluyoruz” dediler. Bu kadar saksılık olmaz nasıl da unuttum yıldönümlerini. Nice 35 yıllara kuzulara!

Tarihler ve saat konusunda problemliyim bu aralar:) Zamanı şaşırıyorum sürekli.

Not: Geçen hafta Doğa çekmişti bu fotoyu.

Biriktirdiğim duygularım

asirikoruyucu

Bugün kendimle ilgili yeni bir duygunun farkına vardım, tam buraya yazacakken, biraz blog okumak istedim ve baktım Sardunya ile bugün aynı şeyleri düşünmüşüz, hissetmişiz. Biz Anatema kadınları böyleyiz, boşuna değil biraraya gelişimiz, düşüncede hep benzer frekanslardayız.

Önce sabah Doğa’yı okula bıraktıktan sonra suçluluk duygusu hafiften kendini göstermeye başladı. Tatilde alışmışım sürekli yanıbaşımda sarılıp öpmeye. Bir an elim boş kaldı. Koca gün ne yaparım diye düşündüm. Oysa ki yapacak o kadar çok işim varken… Sonra uzunca bir yürüyüş sırasında fark ettim ki bu duyguyu yaratan benim. Yani suçlu hissedecek birşey yok tabiki de. Neden suçlu olabilirim ki? 3 yıl boyunca herşeyiyle ilgilenip yuva yaşına kadar getirebildiğim için gururlu olabilirim ancak. Benzer bir duygu yaşayan her kim varsa lütfen siz de gurur duyun kendinizle. Çalışan çalışmayan her anne için gurur duyulacak bir şeydir çocuğunu okul çağına getirebilmek.

Zaten bir süredir günümüz annelerinin, ki buna ben de dahilim, çocuklarımızı fazlasıyla şımartarak büyüttüğümüzü düşünüyorum. Tatilde de aynı şeyi hissettim. “Yemek yemiyor musun canım, hadi boyama yaparak yiyelim mi?” derken buldum kendimi. Durdum öylece. “Yemezsen yeme sen bilirsin” dedim bıraktım. Yani sıkılmasınlar diye sürekli bir aktivite yaratma peşindeyiz hepimiz. Bugün okullar açıldı ve birçok anne-çocuk gördüm ellerinde çikolatalarla, çubuk krakerlerle yollarda yürüyen. Büyük ihtimal anneler çocuklarını okuldan almaya giderken sürpriz yapmak isteyip ceplerinde çikolata ile gidiyorlar.  Biliyorum çünkü ben de yaptım aynı şeyi. Özellikle geçen yıl Doğa yuvaya ilk başladığı zamanlarda kendi suçluluk duygumu yenebilmek için okul çıkışı kitapçıya götürüyordum çocuğu. Ama baktım ki olacak gibi değil. Neredeyse her yuva çıkışında köşedeki kitapçıdayız. Sonra, kimi zaman “Param bitti” kimi zaman da “eve gitmemiz gerek” şeklinde tavrımı koyarak bıraktım bunu yapmayı. Ama oldukça zor oldu bu konuda kendimi eğitmem. Çünkü insan anne olunca maddi manevi sürekli bir fedakarlık yapma psikolojisi içinde yaşıyor. Doğa geçen yıldan buna o kadar alışmış durumda ki halen okuldan alırken “ne sürprizin var bugün” diyor bazen. Fakat bu yıl en fazla çantamdaki sakızım oluyor onunla paylaştığım ya da eve geldiğimizde içeceği bir bardak meyve suyu. Tabiki çikolata da yiyoruz ama sürpriz olarak değil. Sürprizin kelime anlamını öğrendik artık ikimizde:)

Yalnız geçenlerde ne yaptığımı anlatmazsam çatlarım. Baktım ki ertesi gün okulda ikindi kahvaltısında dondurma varmış. Şimdi bizde beyin “dondurma yiyen çocuk hastalanır”a kilitli ya. Halbuki olumlu telkin yap be kadın çocuğa desene “Dondurmamı sağlıkla yiyorum ve okuluma gidiyorum”. Ama yok hep diyorum ya anne olunca telkin falan hikaye herşey “an”ların farkında olmakta ve kendini gözlemlemekte gizli. Veee bir gece öncesinden iletişim defterine aynen şöyle bir not yazdım; “Doğa, dondurmayı çok sever ve çok hızlı yer. Lütfen yavaş yemesini sağlar mısınız ki hasta olmasın?” Gülün gülün evet ben de çok güldüm sonra çok utandım kendimden ama silemedim de notu. Notu o şekilde orada yazılı görmek aslında kendime getirdi beni. Gece yatarken düşündüm ve dondurma ile ilgili bütün olumsuzluzlukları attım beyimden. Ne yapabilirim bütün çocukluğum boyunca böyle söylenmiş bana “Aman dondurma yersen boğazların şişer”. Halbuki bugün üst solunum yolları hastalıklarının birçoğunda mikroplar ölsün diye dondurma tavsiye ediliyor. Çocukluğumuzdan bilincimize yerleşmiş alışkanlıkları silmek bu kadar zor oluyor işte.

Bu nedenledir ki çocuklarımızı uyarırken, severken, onlarla oyun oynarken kullandığımız kelimelere çok dikkat edelim. Çünkü direkt bilincine işleniyor söylediklerimiz. Örneğin geçen gece Kıbrıs’tan dönüyoruz havaalanındayız. Arkamdaki bir çocuk kendi kendine bir şarkı mırıldanıyor. Ben de döndüm kim söylüyor diye baktım ve gülümsedim. Ama çocuk hemen o saniye annesinden “sus artık gürültü yapıyorsun” şeklinde azarı işitti. O kadar utandı ve mahçup oldu ki, eminim bir daha şarkı söylemek istediğinde “acaba annemi yine kızdırır mıyım ya da gürültü yapar mıyım” diye düşünecek. Bunlar çok ufak ayrıntılar ama hayatımızın kodları çocukluğumuzda gizli bunu unutmamak gerek.

Tam da denk geldi konuyla ilgili de çok güzel bir kitap okuyorum bugünlerde; Kemal Sayar – “Herşeyin Bir Anlamı Var”. Kendisi alanında oldukça donanımlı bir psikiyatr. Şöyle yazıyor kitapta bir bölümünde;

“Çocukların özdenetimli ve nasihat ettikleri şeyi kendileri uygulayabilen anne-babalara ihtiyacı vardır. Çocuklar, yüceltilen bir anne-babanın değerlerini içselleştirmek suretiyle bir bilinç geliştirirler. Anne-babalar, doğruyu yanlıştan ayırt edebilen çocukları olsun istiyorlarsa, sadece onlara telkin veren değil, çocukların beğendiği kişiler de olmalıdır. Şükran duygusunun yokluğu, günümüz çocuklarında giderek salgın halini alıyor. Anne-babalar çocuklarına yeterinde zaman ayıramıyor. Bu durumda suçluluk duygusu, yeni elbise ve oyuncaklarla telafi edilmek isteniyor. Çocuklarımız sizden birşeyler ister hale geldiklerinde, şükran duyguları körelmeye başlar. Onlara iyi şeyler için beklemek gerektiğini, vermenin ve paylaşmanın neşesini, basit hediyelerden zevk almayı öğretmemiz gerek. Hayatın içinde organik çocuklar yetiştirmek, günümüz anne-babaları için bir borç.”

İçimizdeki yargıçlar

Sizde de vardır mutlaka bu yargıçlardan. Yaptığınız herşeyi zaman zaman eleştiren, attığınız her adımı yargılayan… güzel, çirkin, ayıp, kötü, iyi diyen…. Gözlemliyorum bu yargıçları bir süredir ben. Sürekli yazdıklarımla ilgili vuruyor kafama bu yargıçlardan biri; “yüzeysel yazıyorsun, daha derine in daha derine” diyor. Diğeri “yetersizsin” diyor. Öteki, “daha çok çalışmalısın” diyor. Hele biri var ki sürekli şöyle diyor; “bırak rahatça dökülsün kelimeler kaleminden tutma artık şunları!”.

Kendimle inceden inceye hesaplaştığım farklı bir dönemdeyim yine bu aralar. Bu defa daha çok yazılarımla ilgili. İçimdekileri tam olarak çıkaramıyormuşum gibi geliyor. Sanki boğazımda düğümlenmiş birşeyler var, biri sırtıma vursa biraz çıkıverecekler. Bir yandan da okuyorum, araştırıyorum ama buraya alıntı koymak da saçma gelir oldu.  Yani onu da yargıladım kendimde. Herşey saçma gelir oldu yani anlayacağınız.

İşte böylesine kendimle gelgitler yaşarken, yazacak birşey bulamazken baktım benim yargıçlardan birkaçı yorum yazmış bana.

Evet evet şaşırmayın anladınız siz. Aynen öyle demek istiyorum.

Beni yargılayanları diyorum ben yarattım.

Ve işte buradan çok teşekkür ediyorum onlara.

Güzel bir ışık yandı bende yine tam da şimdi burada.

Bir defa daha anladım neden burada olduğumu, asıl amacımı.

Sayfalar(3): 1 2 3 »


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